Pet Jokes & One-liners for Animal Lovers

I am writing a new bonus item for our community members at  and thought I woudl share a few with you.

Do you have some favorite jokes, riddles and one-liners about pets?  Share them with us! We are a fun loving group of pet owners.  We all consider our pets as members of the family.  If you do too, then join us.  You will always be glad you did.

Pet Jokes & Riddles For Animal Lovers

A woman in a pet shop sees a beautiful parrot. A tag on the cage says $50. “Why so little?” she asks.

The store manager says, “This bird used to live in a house of prostitution. It has kind of a vulgar mouth.”

The woman decides to buy the parrot anyway. She puts its cage in her house. First thing the bird says is, “New house, new madam.” She is a little shocked but figures that’s not so bad.

When her two daughters get home from school, the bird sees them and says, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The woman is surprised, but she figures the parrot will straighten out once it figures out who everybody is.

A little while later, the woman’s husband, Gary, comes home from work. As he walks in the door, the bird says: “Hi Gary.”


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Golden Retrievers are great playmates for kids of all ages. They are good family pets and can entertain us for hours.
  • My dog was the life of the party;  that gives you an idea of how dull my parties are.
  • How much did the psychiatrist charge the elephant?  $150 for the visit and $1500 for the sofa.”
  • Do you allow elephants on this train?  Yes, but you have to check their trunks!
  • When big elephants have big trunks… little elephants have suitcases?
  • I am so strong, I can lift an elephant with one hand.  But where can you find an elephant with one hand?
  • I once bought a lap dog, but had to get rid of him.  Every time I sat on his lap he bit me!
  • There are stories around that say dogs can talk.  That is a lie!  If any dog tells you he can, he is lying through his teeth.
  • A dog has so many friends because he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
  • To nighbor “Hey Buddy, do you know that your dog barked all night?”  “Yeah, but don’t worry about him.  He sleeps most of the day.”
  • Our dog is a doberman pincher.  All day he goes around pinching dobermans.
  • The only opportunity a fish has to take a shower is to jump up when it rains.
  • Why are fish so smart?  Because they swim in schools.
  • You think you have trouble?  My fish gets sea sick.
  • I fed some lemon to our cat….and got a sour puss.
  • Teacher to kid; “name four animals of the cat family”  kid “father cat, mother cat and two kittens.”
  • Is it really bad luck to have a cat following you?  Depends on if you are a man or a mouse.

There are more jokes, riddles and one-liners in our free book download at   Join our community and claim your free gift.

Judy Helm Wright is a Pet Grief Coach and animal advocate.  If you are a pet parent you will want to check our our pet resources today.  Thanks for being a kind, thoughtful person who has respect for all.  You are the kind of person we like to hang out with.