One of the toughest communications for some people is to how to offer sympathy.  That is why so many people say nothing at all.  It is not that they are uncaring, rather they care so much that they don’t want to add to your pain or make you feel worse.

I was surprised at how many of the submissions I received talked about lack of support in the workplace.  Then I remembered 20 years ago when my brother JAllen was killed in a horrible industrial accident.

Working at a local weekly newspaper at the time, my boss was also a friend and the workplace had felt like extended family.  And yet, two weeks after the funeral, I was called in and told to “snap out of it.”

My boss actually looked me right in the eye and said; “Enough already!  How long are you going to grieve?  We have a paper to put out.”

I told him that I would probably grieve for the rest of my natural life and to check back with me in a few years when he had lost someone precious to him.

I have often wondered how he handled grief when it came to his journey of life.

My best to you and if you are sad today, please know that you are never alone.  I am sending you warm thoughts and prayers.

It is no wonder so many who need hospitalization or assisted living refuse to go for help, for fear of leaving their pet.  I have heard of people who are ill, but who downplay their illness to the doctor rather than take a chance of being separated from their pet.

“A dog wags his tail with his heart.”

Heidi Eklund, a skydiver from New York , shares a story of Marley. This is just one little part, you will want to Click Here to get the rest of the story.

“On June 9, 2008, my little Pug, Marley, just didn’t wake up.  He was a sensational being with an amazing personality.  He was a big dog in a little body and very much a clown.  A couple of years ago I changed my lifestyle completely taking on two jobs so I gave Mr. Marley to my Mom, a retiree, who had all day to dote on his every move.  She cared for him like he was her grandchild spoiling him rotten.  All the neighbors in her retirement community loved him too.  He was a love and everyone loved him.

I decided I would skydive his ashes with a bunch of my skydiver friends.  Since my partner and I are in the video production business, I will video the event and make a short video tribute to Marley calling it Marley’s First Jump.  Part of his remains will stay with Mom, part will go in my garden, and some in a piece of jewelry.”

A pet becomes the focus of attention, affection and routine for many elderly or retired people.  The pet listens to the stories over and over again, never tiring or complaining.  The love of a pet, especially to a housebound person, is unconditional and the companionship priceless.

The stories and photos  compiled in this book are shared by pet lovers just like you. You will cry, laugh, and most importantly, understand when you read about:

·       Little Duck, an abandoned duckling rescued by Kendra Bonnett and her siblings was finally strong enough to return to freedom but returned to visit in the spring with her own flock of ducklings, on page 8 in Chapter 1  – Loving, Losing and Letting Go.

·       Abigail who helped her owner, Connie, deal with cancer (page 16). You will laugh with the owners of Muffie, Blackie and Frankie Muffie  who defy all odds to get placed in the right homes with the right parents in Chapter 2 – What Pets Can Teach Us.

·       Latte, a cat who died after being attacked in her own yard by an unsecured and unleashed neighbor dog. Latte’s owner’s original letter to the editor is reprinted  on page 30 in Chapter 3 – Unexpected Loss of a Pet.

·       Tyson was 21-years-old and had been with Michele since he was four-weeks-old.  Michelle found him in the middle of the street in a mud puddle. He followed her everywhere and finally told her with a look that said, “it is time to say goodbye.” Chapter 4 - When Cure Turns to Comfort Care.

·       Neezie was a dog of the heart for Darlene Arden a journalist, author and speaker. She  so eloquently shares her story on page 48 Chapter 5 – Having a Beloved Pet Euthanized.

·       Jasmine is one of the many pets of Maureen who started a blog for pet owners and lovers. You will also learn about the final gift to you from your pet on page 59 in Chapter 6 – Grief is Natural.

·       Samantha, whose best friend Jessica used the energy healing method of EFT and even made a movie about using it to deal with pet loss on page 71 in Chapter 7 - Expressing Our Pain.

·       Thumper, Prissy, and Dixie who were all very special animals who shared life with Kathleen. Due to unfortunate circumstances they all crossed the Rainbow Bridge before her. She consoles herself with the knowledge she will see them again. Chapter 8 - Guilt and Regret.

·       Nuggett, an Appaloosa horse whose sweet alfalfa breath helped shape the life and career of Sarah. She is getting her master’s degree in social work, specializing in equine facilitated mental health and education services. This story and photo are found on page 86 in Chapter 9 -Pet Loss and Children.

·       Djermag, who was also called “Little Terror,” and her Mom, Brenda, went to the Skilled Nursing Facility to interact with the clients there.  She was so popular and everyone loved her.  I also share about the difficult challenge of animals who outlive their owners in Chapter 10 – Pet Loss and the Elderly

·       Riley, who laid on the couch next to severely disabled Elizabeth. After her death, he rarely jumped on the couch again. Elizabeth’s mother Lisa is writing a book about having older or trained dogs for their disabled loved ones, as well as the dangers to unborn babies from cytomegalovirus (CMV) on page 111 in Chapter 11 – Do Animals Grieve When a Companion Dies?

·       Chip and Jessie are just two of the many pets who have brought joy to Carol. On the shelves in her living room, amidst the books she has read or should read, sit four wooden plates bearing the names of three dogs and one cat who shared her life and then passed away. You will want to read this story on page 117 in Chapter 12 – Memorials, Tributes and Rituals to Remember.

·       A minister writes about her ole boy Camper, the dog with “lots of soul,” and her thoughts on heaven and the souls of animals on page 129 in Chapter 13 -
Do Animals Have Souls?

·       Mick, not just any cat, was recalled in a poem by March Bracken, who expresses how sometimes well-intentioned friends say the wrong thing to those who have lost a pet. You will also find a list supplied by Rabbi Mel Glazer on “Unhelpful Responses You Will Hear From Others When Your Pet Dies and What to Do About Them” on page 138, Chapter 14 – Expressing Sympathy to Others.

·       Donald Davis, a North Carolina storyteller and teacher said “Stories have the power to heal individuals following a significant loss because they enable us to keep alive, honor, and bless people [or animals] who are no longer with us.  The story helps us process and understand our relationship with the person [or animal] whom we have lost.” Chapter 15 – How Sharing Stories Help Us Heal.

There is never just “one way” to heal from a traumatic blow to your life, but here are some suggestions that have worked for me and others I have counseled in grief workshops…

• Don’t let others tell you how you should feel.
• Don’t minimize your feelings to make others more comfortable.
• Even if you feel like you need to be alone to grieve, don’t isolate yourself.
• Write about your feelings, either in a journal or a poem.
• Prepare a memorial and tribute for your friend.
• Plant a flower or tree in memory of your pet.
• Make a charitable donation in the name of your pet.
• Compose a song about your pet.
• Frame a photograph.
• Volunteer your time at the local Humane Society.
• Donate items to an animal shelter or neighbor in the name of your pet.

Discover The Secret Power Of Simple Stories To Heal Grief And Bring Peace To Your Suffering

Experiencing the loss of a pet companion may be the most difficult part of owning or being owned by an animal friend. This book will assist you in finding comfort if your beloved pet is either nearing death or has died.  The stories are gathered from pet owners and lovers just like you.

You will share their stories, poems, pictures and resources to help guide your journey into dealing with the loss of your pet.

• Enjoy the Printable Prayer that was written and shared by Rev. Ann Keeler Evans  called Prayer on Losing Your Dog.
• Read pet loss poems, quotes about losing a pet, as well as words to say in terms of pet condolence.
• Find resources to order pet loss sympathy cards and gifts, or find support groups for others who are also going through the loss of a family pet.

• Gain an understanding of alternative therapies for pets who are ill.
• Discover others who will help you on the journey to recover from the grief you are experiencing.

The strength of the human/pet bond is evident when hurricanes and disaster floods happen and owners refuse to leave their pets behind to perish. This connection was made abundantly clear to me as I gathered and compiled the stories that were submitted for I Lost My Best Friend Today - Dealing with the Loss of a Beloved Pet .

Never before have I seen such an outpouring of intimate thoughts, emotions and support for others in the same situation. I truly felt like I was on a journey to  peace  and acceptance as so many people, just like you and I shared their deepest emotions, struggles and ultimate triumph over this and other significant losses in their lives.

You, too, will feel a part of this community support as you read the amazing true stories and look at the photos that the contributors have given as a gift so that others may also heal.

Jessica Newell of Dallas Texas shared her emotions about Isabella:

Thank you for this outlet. I’m nearing the third anniversary of the death of my sweet girl Isabella, a black Chihuahua. She made a profound impact on my life, and I still miss her everyday.

In June 2005, I came home during my lunch break to discover a house fire in my Uptown Dallas townhome.  The fire fighters found Isabella’s nearly lifeless body in an upstairs bedroom.  After four painful wait-and-see days at the emergency vet, we accepted that her little lungs couldn’t fight any more.  We agreed  with the doctor’s recommendation to put Isabella to sleep.  Surrounded by my husband and my best friend, I cradled her in my arms, kissed her head and spoke softly to her while she drifted off to sleep.

The days that followed were some  of the most painful I’ve  ever known.  I’ve lost relatives and friends, yet somehow, losing Isabella was different.  I felt grief and sadness for sure, but I also felt guilt.  Guilt that I wasn’t able to better protect her, this small, sweet devoted little creature.  I sought solace in others’ favorite memories of Isabella.  I poured over every picture I ever snapped. And I looked for books that granted me permission to grieve “just a dog.”

Taffy was a fence-jumping, chicken chasing, stinky breathed, fur scratching,  devoted member of our family. He held a special place in our heart because he had saved our two-year-old son Andy’s life when he wandered off into the street.

We got Taffy because I am an early morning riser and I saw an ad in the paper looking for a new home for a Cocker Spaniel who had some bad that made it impossible for his current owners to keep him.  When I called the number at 6 am, I was told that the current owners lived on a small acreage and, try as they might, Taffy could not be curtailed from the enjoyment of jumping the neighbor’s fence and harassing the chickens.

The neighbors insisted that Taffy either be chained up or a six foot fence be installed between the properties. The owner family was heartbroken and had determined that Taffy deserved to be in a place where she wasn’t constantly being scolded and yelled at by the neighbors.

We kept the children out of school, because they wanted to interview the whole family and drove the 30 miles to see if we were “suitable owners” for this mischievous bundle of fur.

Hurrah, we passed the test as Taffy licked the faces of the little girls and jumped playfully on Andy, our baby boy.

Agreeing that they could drop in anytime to check on how we were treating Taffy, we piled in the car for the ride home.

Shortly after getting Taffy we had a birthday party for Andy who was turning two years old.  Andy’s favorite gift was a pair of cowboy boots with pointed toes.  He wanted to wear them 24/7. He was often seen in the yard on the swing set or playing with Taffy in only training pants and his cowboy boots.

One day while working in the house, I realized I could no longer hear giggles and barks coming from the yard. Running quickly I saw that both gates were still locked but both the baby and dog were gone!

Panic stricken, I looked all over our property and then started running up the block towards the busy street two blocks away.  Crying their names, I heard a woman by the street yell; “are you looking for a little blond haired boy and a blond haired dog?”

You can imagine my emotions when I got there and scooped up my Andy;

• Relief that he was safe
• Anger that he had somehow gotten out of the yard
• Embarrassment that a crowd of people had rushed outside to help or watch the little boy dressed in only wet pants and cowboy boots and the dog who was hanging his head get in trouble by the hysterical woman.

But the over-riding emotion I felt then, and that I still feel now writing about it 25 years later, is gratitude and humility.

A woman who had rushed outside of her business after seeing a small boy trying to walk on the street and a dog trying to herd him back told us the story. She said that Taffy saved Andy’s life by continually getting in front of him so Andy could not go ahead into the speeding traffic.

She said she had rushed over to take Andy’s hand and lead him back to safety. Since he obviously had no identification on him, she was looking for tags on the dog when she heard me yelling.

Of course we had not had enough time to get current dog tags, so she would have called the former owners who would have probably recanted our suitability as a family worthy of Taffy.

Andy confessed that he had used the toes of his little cowboy boots to climb the fence and Taffy had simply jumped the fence and followed him.

After the adventure, Taffy and Andy were inseparable and both of them spoiled rotten by the rest of the family.

Fast Forward to a Painful Family Decision…

Eventually the day came when, as a family, we agreed that Taffy could no longer go on. She could not go up and down stairs, was constantly incontinent, and was in such pain that even petting her hurt her.

After a tearful goodbye from each of us, my husband Dwain, ever the strong silent hero of the group, wrapped her in a special blanket and took her to the vet for the final visit.

Our hearts were heavy that day. Our tears were plentiful. For once, the house was silent and everyone was grieving in their own unique and special way. Even Tiddles the cat was not his usual self.

But for all of us, Taffy was and is our hero.  Not just because she jumped the fence to save Andy, but because she was an important and valuable member of our family.  She not only brought protection, enjoyment, and companionship to all of us, but she also taught us about loyalty.

It was because of Taffy’s examples of loyalty to us that we, individually and as a family group, have been more loyal friends and associates to others, human and animal.

PS: The incident of jumping the fence to save Andy’s life is the one and only time she ever jumped a fence in the many years she lived and loved with us.

I Lost My Best Friend Today-Dealing with the Loss of a Pet was a labor of love born from my desire to help other people who are struggling with this significant loss.

Children who have been exposed to the concept of death as part of the life cycle are not as afraid as those whose families never spoke of it.  Death and dying are not subjects that come on a daily basis, but when an opportunity arises, often with the passing of a family pet, it is important to take the time to talk about it.

Help young people to know that there is no such thing as a dumb question and they should feel free to ask about what they don’t understand.  Adults may be embarrassed or ill at ease, not because of the question, but because they may have fears and unresolved feelings.

Children do have an understanding that each of us will die at some point and those left behind will be sad and lonely.  The more prepared the whole family is in expressing not only feelings and emotions of sadness, but the joy and happiness that comes from being together, the easier it will be to discuss life and death.

Most young children are more curious than sad when a pet disappears.  However, it is a major turning point in their development when they see how adults deal with the loss of a pet. Remember, they are looking to you to see how to develop values, ethics and standards of behavior.

You will find most very young children ask questions to try to put the death experience in a framework they can understand and process. Under the age of six, they tend to be very self-centered and assume that they may have been responsible in some way for the disappearance.

Here are some specific ways to help the different ages and stages of children deal with the loss of a pet.

Under Six Years of Age

Children this young may not have had enough life experiences to truly understand what death, dying or long-term illness may mean.  They will sense your emotions and may be confused unless you explain why you are sad about the family dog being ill and the loss you will feel when he dies.

Be especially reassuring that you are not upset with them or anything they did as you maintain your normal schedule and feel your own grief.

Young children will welcome a new pet and easily connect with her.

Children Seven to 11 Years Old

This age group of tweens knows and understands that death is permanent. This may bring up some fears and feelings of what if a parent should become ill and die.

Young people, most do not like to be called children anymore, are much more interested in the details and the morbid aspects of the death.  This is normal and their questions need to be answered in an accepting way.

If they do not have an avenue for sharing feelings, emotions, and questions about the pet loss, they may have trouble sleeping, eating, or begin wetting the bed again.

Sometimes the pet loss triggers other disappointments and losses in life, and the child may become withdrawn while trying to figure it all out. Or, she may become aggressive, argumentative and antisocial in a veiled attempt to gain attention and comfort.

Young Adults Who Lose a Pet

The loss of a pet to this age group can be particularly hard.  The pet may have been a source of unconditional love and companionship during childhood. Many young people look at their pet as an anchor of childhood; always loving, forgiving and loyal.

Peer acceptance of expressing feelings can make the transition easier.  If the friends downplay the sorrow, the adolescent may bury the hurt feelings and questions in his heart, and not feel safe sharing them.

Remember this is the time in life when young adults are trying to find their own true feelings and discover who and what they are as individuals.  They may want your understanding, guidance and reassurance, but may use conflict to deflect the opportunities to share.

In our family, we have found the best conversations take place late at night, when the lights are dim and there is pizza to share.  Teens and young adults open up their sore places in their hearts when you aren’t eye-ball to eye-ball and busy with a million other things.

I encourage you to take the time in a relaxed setting to connect with your children about how to deal with the loss of their pet.  How this is handled now, will remain with them for the rest of their life and will have an influence on how they approach death of other loved ones later in life.

This ebook is the perfect conversation starter and tool to help you talk to your child about the subject of death and dying.Death of a Child’s Pet

With pet loss, the stages of grief and bereavement are the same as any other major loss.  In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a world renowned psychiatrist and authority on death, outlined the various stages which include the following:

1.    Shock/Denial/Numbness. We cannot believe this has happened to us.  Our body and emotions numb themselves against the pain.  The mind denies the loss. Often we will say things like “This can’t be true.”  One of the valid reasons for memorials and funerals is to acknowledge that death did take place, that our beloved will no longer be with us in body.

2.    Fear/Anger/Depression. After the numbness wears off and we are once again able to feel, all of our repressed feelings come roaring back. Sometimes these feeling are not rational at first and can seek someone to blame, either an outsider or ourselves.

“I can’t share how sad I am about my dog, because my co-workers will think I am crazy. But, on the other hand, I inquire about their childÂ’s cold and buy their stupid Girl Scout cookies to support them.  It isnÂ’t fair!  Oh God, please donÂ’t let me start crying at work again.  I heard someone call me a drama queen and say; ItÂ’s only a dog, not a child.  I just need someone to acknowledge my sadness.”

3.    Understanding/Acceptance/Moving On.  We finally realize that the world will continue to turn, that loss is a natural part of the cycle of life and that we will make a new and different existence without our loved one.  Moving on does not mean forgetting the lessons we have learned from our loved one.  We have the memories and experiences of good times as a foundation for the remainder of our lives.

4.    New Hurts may Trigger Old Wounds. You may have denied yourself the right to go through these steps with an earlier pain.  Perhaps you muffled your emotions with food, drugs, alcohol or sheer force of will. Now, that you are more open and your heart is raw and vulnerable, these areas of past loss may come forth and need to be healed.  Give yourself the gift of healing and letting go of old pains and resentments that can keep you stuck.

Each individual will experience and express grief in his/her own personal way. You or the friend who receives this book as a gift may find the stages are not always followed in sequence and indeed may have to be revisited many times before the heart is healed.